You may be following my newest adventure with the Bed Bug ordeal. If you are then you also may see that getting bed bugs may just be the best thing that has happened to me in 23 years.
Perhaps another time, I may go into being in a relationship with a narcissist but it will help with understanding to say that this type of relationship is easy to get into then easier to stay in rather than get out of. Right here, right now is the point where the Divine I AM reminds me who I use to be and it all happened with getting Bed Bugs. During a 23 year time span, my former self (the one I loved) faded away. I feared she would never return and had no idea how to help her come back.
The choices as I see it are to lament getting these ugly horrible things sinking into an even deeper depression (if that is possible) or to try to (in my limited way) understand why the Divine I AM would allow it, considering that I absolutely abhor bugs. There is nothing in my point of attraction that would ever suggest that these were attracted through obsessing in some way with them. This is why we did not see them for quite some time, long enough for them to set up cozy housekeeping in our bedroom. I just never really looked for them, getting them was so far from my reality that it really surprised me, horrified me and became quite thought provoking when they were discovered.
The question was, if I did not attract bed bugs then what is it that I did attract that is in my best interest? The answer is that I found the determination that was lost. I found me in the fight with these tiny blood suckers that I had lost. I found something acceptable to become enraged with as during the 23 years I began believing that the other was never at fault and it was my Karma to just adapt. Adapt to Bed Bugs??? I think NOT. The bugs gave me something acceptable to get really pissed off over. If it is unacceptable to adapt to these creatures being a part of my reality then why would it be acceptable to allow other creatures sucking my very life blood, my soul, my individuality from me?
It is by eliminating the unwanted that I create the wanted. To date I had felt guilty over walking away from the situation and sorry for the "mess" I had left behind. Yes, the mess in my mind was solely my responsibility and laying it down was a failure of epic proportions crippling me as a person. Unable to go forward and unwilling to go backward, I pretty much looked normal to anyone meeting me but inwardly I cowered in a corner of my psyche afraid to make a decision. Any decision I made would be wrong.
I so appreciate this adventure with the horrors of Bed Bugs because it is only with this level of horror that the beauty of myself may be found again. Last year my inner being brought roaches which were eliminated post haste but it was not enough of a challenge to blast through the barriers of my mind, through the self erected walls keeping me from being me. Perhaps the walls were just too thick to be torn down in one blasting? I am not certain but what I am certain of is that I do not now or ever again have to live with blood or soul sucking creatures unless I choose to. I am certain that when a situation is so far from my own vibration that it can not be stabilized the best thing to do is to change the view. I am certain that this is acceptable.
Perhaps another time, I may go into being in a relationship with a narcissist but it will help with understanding to say that this type of relationship is easy to get into then easier to stay in rather than get out of. Right here, right now is the point where the Divine I AM reminds me who I use to be and it all happened with getting Bed Bugs. During a 23 year time span, my former self (the one I loved) faded away. I feared she would never return and had no idea how to help her come back.
The choices as I see it are to lament getting these ugly horrible things sinking into an even deeper depression (if that is possible) or to try to (in my limited way) understand why the Divine I AM would allow it, considering that I absolutely abhor bugs. There is nothing in my point of attraction that would ever suggest that these were attracted through obsessing in some way with them. This is why we did not see them for quite some time, long enough for them to set up cozy housekeeping in our bedroom. I just never really looked for them, getting them was so far from my reality that it really surprised me, horrified me and became quite thought provoking when they were discovered.
The question was, if I did not attract bed bugs then what is it that I did attract that is in my best interest? The answer is that I found the determination that was lost. I found me in the fight with these tiny blood suckers that I had lost. I found something acceptable to become enraged with as during the 23 years I began believing that the other was never at fault and it was my Karma to just adapt. Adapt to Bed Bugs??? I think NOT. The bugs gave me something acceptable to get really pissed off over. If it is unacceptable to adapt to these creatures being a part of my reality then why would it be acceptable to allow other creatures sucking my very life blood, my soul, my individuality from me?
It is by eliminating the unwanted that I create the wanted. To date I had felt guilty over walking away from the situation and sorry for the "mess" I had left behind. Yes, the mess in my mind was solely my responsibility and laying it down was a failure of epic proportions crippling me as a person. Unable to go forward and unwilling to go backward, I pretty much looked normal to anyone meeting me but inwardly I cowered in a corner of my psyche afraid to make a decision. Any decision I made would be wrong.
I so appreciate this adventure with the horrors of Bed Bugs because it is only with this level of horror that the beauty of myself may be found again. Last year my inner being brought roaches which were eliminated post haste but it was not enough of a challenge to blast through the barriers of my mind, through the self erected walls keeping me from being me. Perhaps the walls were just too thick to be torn down in one blasting? I am not certain but what I am certain of is that I do not now or ever again have to live with blood or soul sucking creatures unless I choose to. I am certain that when a situation is so far from my own vibration that it can not be stabilized the best thing to do is to change the view. I am certain that this is acceptable.
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